I will freely admit I've become a bit of a hermit over the last few years withdrawing from friends, disconnecting, turning inward with my feelings, and dealing with things alone. Sometime last year in epiphany mode I realized I had withdrawn myself from people I used to care about, and realized that it was a sign of serious depression, I've battled depression most of my life so, this isn't my first rodeo, nor a surprise to me.
So slowly I started reaching out to friends from the past, one from middle school, a few from high school, friends that used to be very close, some distant, and I found.... lots of drama. So much so I want to crawl back into my little hermit shell and never come out again. I mean it's been one thing or another all along but recently... all of the sudden it seems like EVERYONE in my life has some sort of malfunction, and MOST of these "problems" all root at relationship issues.
Girls, (and guys) you don't need a man or a woman to make your life complete. Today, God forbid, if my husband said he'd had enough, I would roll up my sleeves start looking for a way to get my bills paid and move on. I'm not heartless... I'm really not, of course it would hurt and the last 8 years of my life would have felt like a bit of a waste, but you wouldn't find me wallowing in it. Reserve that stuff for teenage angst, you should have grown out of it by now. Come ON! After the initial trying to work things out and asking him to come back, and realizing he wasn't willing to work things out, I wouldn't let him see it bother me. And he certainly wouldn't be getting into a friends with benefits relationship with me either. There's an old saying about that... "Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?" SERIOUSLY! Here's what he's thinking if you allow that, "Wait, you mean I can still have sex, and other fun times with you, and not have to be there for all of those boring moments, and not have to deal with any of those annoying husband/boyfriend/father things, and I could still pretend to be single and maybe find someone else... why should I come back again?"
It's not just break ups, my other pet peeves of the moment on this subject:
~*~Husbands well men period that won't provide for their families, if he truly cared about you and your family he wouldn't be riding you for what he could get. He'd be working to make your lives better.
~*~girlfriends who secretly intentionally get pregnant to try and trap someone, if he said he doesn't want a(nother) child with you getting pregnant isn't going to make your relationship stronger, and making him feel trapped in the relationship is only going to make things worse. You are setting yourself up for more heartbreak and 18 years of explaining why daddy isn't really around.
~*~girls who throw themselves at the next thing that look at them after a break up, that guy the one people squinch up their nose at when he walks in a room, he had some sort of social issues already, that's why he covered himself in tattoos and never takes a bath, or the womanizer who's "ONE and done" you'll be crying over him next month please don't do that to yourself, take the time and heal, and find someone who is a perfect fit and not just an OK fit. You don't just have to have someone!
~*~men who flip flop and try and go back after their exes when they are already in a relationship. Look, #1 there is a reason he's an ex, something went wrong that made him that way and you've probably already shed enough tears and had enough heartbreak from that one guy, and #2 he's a cheater if he's going behind his current girlfriend's back to tell you he still loves you. He doesn't still love you, he's bored, and wants to make sure he has someone if he gets out of his current relationship, chances are he'll be telling her the same thing in a couple of months.... this guy has a commitment problem or maybe he's a psychopath that enjoys toying with your emotions, either way get away from him. He's in the past for a reason! If he really wants to be with you, he'll leave the current girlfriend and come find you. You won't have to beg him for it.
I suppose that list could go one forever but I personally know someone in each of those situations right now, the worst part is EVERY ONE of those people are in their late 20's early 30's and have children watching them act like this, or be treated like this. You are damaging your kids allowing these kinds of things to go on in your life. Please make it stop, get a backbone and stand up for yourself, pull yourself out of your despair and don't drown on your own tears.
I love my friends and family but right now, I want to turn off my phone block them all on facebook and ignore them until they straighten up. The sad fact of the matter is, I don't know that I believe they'll ever straighten up.
My shoulder is too soggy.
So slowly I started reaching out to friends from the past, one from middle school, a few from high school, friends that used to be very close, some distant, and I found.... lots of drama. So much so I want to crawl back into my little hermit shell and never come out again. I mean it's been one thing or another all along but recently... all of the sudden it seems like EVERYONE in my life has some sort of malfunction, and MOST of these "problems" all root at relationship issues.
Girls, (and guys) you don't need a man or a woman to make your life complete. Today, God forbid, if my husband said he'd had enough, I would roll up my sleeves start looking for a way to get my bills paid and move on. I'm not heartless... I'm really not, of course it would hurt and the last 8 years of my life would have felt like a bit of a waste, but you wouldn't find me wallowing in it. Reserve that stuff for teenage angst, you should have grown out of it by now. Come ON! After the initial trying to work things out and asking him to come back, and realizing he wasn't willing to work things out, I wouldn't let him see it bother me. And he certainly wouldn't be getting into a friends with benefits relationship with me either. There's an old saying about that... "Why buy the cow when you can have the milk for free?" SERIOUSLY! Here's what he's thinking if you allow that, "Wait, you mean I can still have sex, and other fun times with you, and not have to be there for all of those boring moments, and not have to deal with any of those annoying husband/boyfriend/father things, and I could still pretend to be single and maybe find someone else... why should I come back again?"
It's not just break ups, my other pet peeves of the moment on this subject:
~*~Husbands well men period that won't provide for their families, if he truly cared about you and your family he wouldn't be riding you for what he could get. He'd be working to make your lives better.
~*~girlfriends who secretly intentionally get pregnant to try and trap someone, if he said he doesn't want a(nother) child with you getting pregnant isn't going to make your relationship stronger, and making him feel trapped in the relationship is only going to make things worse. You are setting yourself up for more heartbreak and 18 years of explaining why daddy isn't really around.
~*~girls who throw themselves at the next thing that look at them after a break up, that guy the one people squinch up their nose at when he walks in a room, he had some sort of social issues already, that's why he covered himself in tattoos and never takes a bath, or the womanizer who's "ONE and done" you'll be crying over him next month please don't do that to yourself, take the time and heal, and find someone who is a perfect fit and not just an OK fit. You don't just have to have someone!
~*~men who flip flop and try and go back after their exes when they are already in a relationship. Look, #1 there is a reason he's an ex, something went wrong that made him that way and you've probably already shed enough tears and had enough heartbreak from that one guy, and #2 he's a cheater if he's going behind his current girlfriend's back to tell you he still loves you. He doesn't still love you, he's bored, and wants to make sure he has someone if he gets out of his current relationship, chances are he'll be telling her the same thing in a couple of months.... this guy has a commitment problem or maybe he's a psychopath that enjoys toying with your emotions, either way get away from him. He's in the past for a reason! If he really wants to be with you, he'll leave the current girlfriend and come find you. You won't have to beg him for it.
I suppose that list could go one forever but I personally know someone in each of those situations right now, the worst part is EVERY ONE of those people are in their late 20's early 30's and have children watching them act like this, or be treated like this. You are damaging your kids allowing these kinds of things to go on in your life. Please make it stop, get a backbone and stand up for yourself, pull yourself out of your despair and don't drown on your own tears.
I love my friends and family but right now, I want to turn off my phone block them all on facebook and ignore them until they straighten up. The sad fact of the matter is, I don't know that I believe they'll ever straighten up.
My shoulder is too soggy.
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